I can finally announce this!!

We're pregnant!!!! And it's sticking this time!! I had to wait and wait to announce this b/c we hadn't told our parents yet, but now it's out there!! About a month ago, we got a nice dark, surprise BFP! We were shocked b/c we were NOT trying. We weren't thinking about it, we weren't talking about it, nothing. We were pretty much done with the idea after that last miscarriage. But the Friday right before Father's Day, I woke up from this crazy dream and just had a weird feeling. In my dream, I had taken a pregnancy test and it was blazing positive. Well, when I woke up, I realized, that I should just do a test for the heck of it. I had a left-over internet cheapie that I hadn't used so I used it and holy cow, a line showed up. So I immediately went out and got a FRER test, without telling Kevin, and took it and it was very positive! I was shocked!! So I took a picture of it and sent it to Kevin and asked, "How did this happen??!" When he finally checked his phone, he couldn't believe it!

So, I progressively tested every few days and got what never happened with any of the miscarriages. I got darker lines each time, so I had a great feeling!! Got my hcg tested and progesterone tested and everything was checking out just fine! So here we are....8 wks along!! Yesterday we saw the heartbeat on ultrasound and we thrilled!

TTC....

is on HOLD for awhile, just to let anyone know that might check this....this summer is the 2-year mark of this journey. Kevin and I have decided that we're not officially TTC anymore. So, that's the update. I never followed up with a specialist b/c our insurance doesn't really cover anything, so we're just going to leave things as they are for now. We're going to enjoy this summer and not even think about it!!

Habitual Aborter....4th Loss

We have gone through our 4th loss. This one was pretty upsetting. I just knew that after seeing that pretty nice positive test and how much darker it was so early on, that things would stick this time.....but it didn't stick. Had 1st beta on Monday last week and those results showed that I was pregnant, but with really low hcg. The 2nd beta showed levels decreasing which means a loss in inevitable. I had the miscarriage while I was traveling with my dad to Alabama this past weekend. At least the trip helped take my mind off what was going on in my body, but it wasn't too fun being on the road while that happened. Today, my ob/gyn gave me a label which is kind of sad: "Habitual Aborter." That sounds like it's my fault or something. I don't like that name. It's not like I'm choosing to keep aborting or something. He referred me to a reproductive specialist and said they would want to do testing and all, but that it might just turn out to be nothing. I called the insurance today to see what was covered, and apparently it's not much....I hate insurance for that reason.....boo!! Need to talk to Kevin to find out if we want to pursue this or just leave it as it is. Dr. said he would recommend using protection and not trying until we get the testing done, but I just don't even know if we can afford testing and all that stuff. This is just a big let-down.

Not Looking Good.....

Well, this journey of TTC might not be over after all. Turns out the tests are not getting any darker, in fact, I'm pretty sure they are getting lighter. That means there's no way the Hcg (pregnancy hormone) is increasing like it should be. With Jack, the tests got steadily darker and darker and with each early loss, they never did and this appears to be like the other losses. I am just extrememly heart broken right now. I am going to the dr., but I really don't think there's anything that can be done. This will be my 4th time going through this and I feel like I'm becoming an expert at what to expect and how it works. I just thought for sure that this was it and this one was different. I am thinking that if this pregnancy doesn't stick, then it's definitely time for genetic testing and some more serious approaches. After all, now my insurance will cover it, as you have to have 3 losses in a row before they'll pay. GRRR......and this just sucks. Maybe the outcome will be different, but I really don't think so. I need a miracle right now.

BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please pray that this little bean sticks!!!!!!! I cannot believe it! I cried when I saw the test turning positive this morning!!!!

New Focuses

I have been sooo very bad at blogging the past months. Things have just gotten busy and I have not been focusing at all on TTC. We haven't been trying for the past few months really. This cycle is month 20, but we've not been technically even been doing the magic deed to make a baby. I've been trying to lose some weight and I've lost about 15 lbs so far. I need to keep going with this. It's making me feel much better about myself. I've gone down a pant size! That's so great feeling! As for this month, not much of a chance I don't think. We were planning on actively trying this month, but around my O day, Kevin wasn't feeling well, things were hectic, then I actually ended up O'ing about 4 days later than usual....so not sure if our timing was good enough. I think we did it the day before I actually ended up O'ing, so there's a slight chance. We'll see, I guess, in about a week or more if we caught that eggie.

You Evil Lady!

AF.....you evil lady....why did you have to make a visit this month?? GRRR!!! CD 1, month 19 starts today. Maybe some lovin' this month will make a Thanksgiving "turkey" in my oven! Haha!

I hate One-Liners

I will admit that I went ahead and bought a 2 pack of FRER tests to use today b/c it's really close to AF and those tests are so sensitive that they have always picked up my pregnancies early on....so I took one today and got a BFN....I hate the one-liners. They suck. I just really wanted to see two pink lines on that test and almost had that feeling of I knew I would, but it was sad not to. I know that technically there's always a chance until AF shows, but the 4 times we've been pregnant, I've always gotten at least a faint positive on these tests a few days before AF was due. I thought that since last night I had sore boobs and that I've been feeling tired that it was a good sign, but I guess it's just PMS!! Boo!!! So we'll see when AF gets here.....

Getting impatient

Okay, so any TTCer that's been at it for awhile, or even just at it, has probably had the urge to start testing as soon as you ovulate and even though it's just going to be negative, it's still that impatient urge to do a test.....that's me right now!! I don't want to get my hopes up b/c I know there's not much chance this month that we could be pregnant, but there is a slight chance and that's got me wanting to test!! I've got 3 internet cheapies still from a few months ago, but I know there's no point in testing.....trying to be patient, but it's hard!! I've still got 5 more days or so until AF is due. The cool thing would be if we did get pregnant this cycle, we'd have a due date near Halloween and near my nephew's birthday! No obsessing this time though!! Gotta keep telling myself that. We both decided that for real, we are going to start trying harder next month. We'll never get pregnant if we're not having sex, so we need to work on that! LOL!

So Here's an Update

Haven't updated, so here we go. I'm in the two week wait right now....meaning I'm waiting for AF to get here, or not get here, which would be great! We didn't really try too hard this month, not obsessing over things, just kind of taking it easy! We'll find out though next weekend or so if I'm pregnant or not! Just keeping busy with trying to eat better and exercise more and not focusing on TTC.....I'll post another update at the end of next week!

Normal

I called the dr's office the other day to inquire about my lab results from the blood draw they did a few weeks back. I had left a message on the nurse voicemail and didn't my call returned that day, but the next day I got a message from the dr. himself. He said the results were fine and everything is normal. So.....there we go. I was almost hoping for something that could give a clue, but I feel good knowing I've at least had all the blood tests and they indeed check out. So now it's just maybe wait a few more months and see if anything happens! I'm just not even trying to think about TTC this month. It's on the back of my mind, but not consuming my every thought as it has at times in the past.

A Fresh Start

After being rather conflicted about the whole TTC process last month, Kevin has decided that he's back on board with wanting another baby. Last month, he told me he didn't want another baby and that was a shocker. I really think the problem was that he didn't want to go about it with all the OPK's and talk of ovulation and stuff. It was a big wake up call to me that we're going about it the wrong way. I strongly believe that God will bless us and He's in control and I was trying to control things. We're taking a fresh start approach. The only thing I'm doing this month is just taking the vitamins and stuff and relaxing. I started exercising again too. I'm not going to chart, I'm not going to fret over every little thing....just sit back and have fun. We're going to enjoy eachother's company more and just take time for the little things. Things got pretty stressful leading up to the holidays around here, so hopefully this new year will bring more peace and happiness.

I did get the results of my pap and they are normal and negative so that's great news! Now I am just waiting the results of the blood draw. I will probably call them this afternoon to check. The only bad thing about the blood draw was that they wanted to take the blood 4 days before AF was due and AF didn't come until about a week after the blood draw. Don't know if that will affect anything, but that just proved to me that I was not in control. I had tried to plan that cycle out so perfectly and got thrown a curve!

Blood Draw Tomorrow

I'm having my blood drawn tomorrow so they can test everything and see if anything is going on with my hormone levels and such. We have decided that we're not actively trying for a baby and we're just going to play it down for awhile. I'm hoping that it'll happen when we're least expecting it. There is not even a chance this month that I could be pregnant, but we're still doing the blood work-up like the dr. ordered.

Really???

*insert sarcastic tone now!* Really??? I mean, really??? Why does this keep happening?? Sorry...not going into details, but seriously frustrated here.

+ OPK today!

Today is CD 14 and I got my first + OPK at noon! This is the exact same day last month I got a + OPK so this is good for me. I had usually been O'ing as early as CD 15 or up to as late as CD 20...so having two months in a row be about the same makes me very happy! I'm going to do another OPK tonight after work to see if it's darker, but as of right now I'm saying + since the line is the same color as the control line. I think this evening it will probably be darker, which is good! Supposedly you O within 12-36 hours after getting a positive and for me it's usually the next day or 2 days, so hopefully we'll be "trying! Hopefully we'll catch that eggie!

Another Year is Here

I cannot believe that it's 2010! Today starts another year. I cannot believe that we TTC during the whole year of 2009 and didn't have a baby. But I'm feeling VERY optimistic about this new year, after all, it is not just the new year, but the start of a new decade! It's also my last year of being in my 20's, so hopefully we'll get a 2010 baby! Today is also CD 10 which means it's getting closer to the "trying" time of the month! :)

Happy New Year!!